Wave upon wave of emotion coming at me lately. Sometimes I feel loved and secure; sometimes I feel frightened and alone; at times I feel anxious - which is dreadful; at times, hopeless, unhappy, discontent.
I long to wear the garment of simplicity, but have yet to really try it on. I even purchased the word SIMPLICITY and hung it on my wall, in the same room where my BREATHE and EXHALE plaques are hanging. Also in this room, I have a collection of serene music available for listening, tea pots in which I can brew calming tea, my Aunt Hazel's rocker/glider where I can feel close to her, my favorite books and reflections to read. . .
I feel soothed just reading about my little room, but I'm sitting in it, typing this, because my calm was just upset by a wave of dread. What was I doing? working the crossword puzzle. What was I thinking? of a 3-letter word for a Danube city. (btw, does anybody know the answer to that one? I would appreciate the help.)
Perhaps what I'm learning right now is having an unexpected effect. I'm learning about EEE's. Emotional Eating Episodes. what triggers them.. how to recognize the patterns that precede them.. how to manage them before they start.. It looks like I may have removed the heavy rock that seals up the well of emotion inside me. Well, well, well.. that's enlightening, isn't it? In trying to practice my wellness program, I seem to be experiencing some backlash. Well, hell.
I'm half way through the 2nd week of the program, with 10 more weeks to go. I will either continue to make significant strides in riding the waves, or I will drown in them. If you see a little surfboard wash up on shore with the words "emotional hunger can never be satisfied with food" carved on the back, it's mine; I will likely be treading water like crazy in an effort not to become fish food (which would be pretty ironic, huh?)
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Ulm. How did people ever do crosswords before google?
ReplyDeleteI don't think you'll drown. Cling to that surfboard with all you've got!
SIMPLICITY....It's a powerful word, isn't it. It settles in slowly, but feels so good - so freeing- like breathe when it runs deep. I've always been afraid of me. The well seemed to run too deep. What would I find down in there? What layer would prove to be just too, darn ugly? I hated my layers. I hated my depth. But I'm learning...it's just treasure houses underneath. Once the dead bodies are sifted out of the well, the gunk is scooped out of the corners, even the cobwebs blown out, that the layers are somehow beautiful then. The layers weren't bad, the depth wasn't bad, just the gunk hiding within them. Now simplicity has a place to sit. In truth, in honesty, in integrity, in transparancy - simplicity finally has a place to hang it's hat - WITHIN each layer of me.
ReplyDeleteThank you, simplicity..............